8/10s.
I'm definitely not an 8/10 anymore.
I find the best way to challenge yourself is to make it publicly known what you're doing, otherwise, if you fail it's perfectly fine because no one knew about it anyway.
I've come to love my body, in all of its imperfection, so much more postpartum than I ever did before I was pregnant. As a teenager and young adult I thought I was so fat. I was so insecure. And I was so wrong! I wasn't a size 2, no, but I had a flat stomach, was somewhat toned, and while I wasn't skinny I was thin and curvy. I thought I was disgusting.
And then I look at myself now. Let's just throw this embarrassing fact out there, I'm a size 16 right now. I was an 18/20 two weeks after giving birth. I gained about 50 pounds during my pregnancy, and my already large hips got larger. (The hips just never went back haha.)
While I am quite larger than I was before my first pregnancy, I also love my body a lot more. I've come to see it for what it is. I grew a life. Does that resonate with you? It's pretty astounding to me.
I grew a life, a human being, inside of me. I grew this amazing, nine pound baby, for ten months. And then I birthed her. Out of my body. All on my own, without help! I'm a freaking rockstar. This body GREW A HUMAN. I also solely kept her alive for seven months with just my amazing breastmilk. I not only housed and grew a person, I kept them alive with my body afterwards.
These stretchmarks that are forever tattooed upon my stomach and hips, those lovely ripples in my previously flawless skin, are my reminder of how strong I am. How powerful I am.
And so I love myself. So much more than my insecure former teenaged self ever thought she would.
And in loving myself, I want to feel better about myself. I still struggle with insecurity sometimes. Other times I look at my lovely hefty self and smile. I am that ultra curvy, smiley, sarcastic mom you see in supporting roles in romantic comedies. I'm the best friend who cooks. And I love that about myself! My husband loves that about me!
However. I have decided I want to feel better about myself and my health. I am horribly out shape. I am no longer toned and my muscles are nonexistent. I have no energy! Not okay. Not okay because my baby is morphing into a toddler before my eyes and getting super active because of it. I need to keep up with her. I need to be able to lift her!
So this is my challenge. I already eat pretty well, and I'm not one to go on a diet to lose a few quick pounds just to gain it back when you resume your normal eating habits. I eat a lot of chicken and veggies, and I have the occasional Starbucks. I'm fine with that.
But for Christmas, I'm getting a gym membership. I used to love working out. I shed the pounds fast when I'm active, so that's what I aim to do! Regularly. Those jeans you saw above are my goal pants. I will fit into those pants! I am not putting a date on it, because I know I'll feel better just by doing cardio and toning muscles on those awesome machines I used to adore.
I tell you this because I want to be accountable. I'm done with being lazy. I am fine with being a 10. I am happily married to a man who adores my body no matter the size or shape I'm in. I don't need to be a 4, I don't need to attract anyone (face it, the usual force behind girls losing weight), I don't need to be a 2 to feel good about myself or to get people to like me, and honestly, my structure wouldn't look good as a 2 or 4. I haven't been a size six since I was 16! I am a mom, a wife, and I'm fine with getting back to a ten. I just can't be this out of shape exhausted person anymore. That's the driving force behind this challenge. Getting into my old jeans is just a bonus! So is not having to buy new jeans anymore haha.
So there you go. My challenge! It may take a while, I'm a busy person. But I'm okay. I am happy with the fact that I will get "me time" in a gym. Something I am just doing for myself.
(smile)
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