Alright, let's be honest. It's not been a pleasant month.
I'd have to say overall, we are blessed and happy. But those stupid life circumstances that just like to worm their way under your skin and try to ruin your day... grrrr.
I don't need to go into great deal, but over this past week Justin and I lost some people we'd considered very close friends, and it's been a painful process. Add to that arrogant people who like to shove their opinions down your throat, spiritual warfare, and teething, and nope... I can honestly say I've not been a happy camper lately.
I have been fighting it though. I have been listening to worship music and reading my Bible and getting totally encouraged and renewed by it. Then my flesh rears up and I have to stomp it back down, and that has happened back and forth...
But today I gave up. I cried and whined and have been totally down and angry. Bree has been fussy and crabby and screaming and never wanting to be put down or take a nap, and I've been stressing about the house I've been neglecting to take care of my daughter. (A constant battle I think every mom struggles with, and a situation we all have to realize isn't a big deal. People will understand the house is imperfect. Or a freaking mess. And if they don't have the grace and empathy to, well they just don't seem thoughtful to me.)
Bree sat down mid scream and fell asleep. That is how grouchy she was from lack of rest.
I felt bad she fell asleep on the floor, but after three sessions of dozing and awaking upon entering her crib, hell would freeze over before I dare move her and risk the baby anger again.
I got to pee and have some chocolate milk before she woke up fifteen minutes later. It was something. But man was I a grouch after this day, poor Justin. Bree still isn't in bed, and it's almost midnight. I miss when she would go to sleep all night I got to have alone time with my husband, it's really affected us, especially since school has started back up for him. I am definitely ready for this season of sleep deprivation to be over again. Dear Jesus please! And for the craziness of family and friends to die down for a while. That would be so refreshing.
For tonight,
Alyssa
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