Our Comfy Little Home

As a teenager I never expected to have the life I do today. I never thought I'd be married to such an amazing man, or have such a lovely daughter. I'd always dreamed of having a cozy, warm, inviting home for my family and friends. And while we don't have a house of our own yet, God has really come through and realized many of my dreams, including a cozy place to call home.

I've been wanting to get up some sort of virtual "tour" for my friends and family who can't visit (yet) and here it is! Finally. Hope you enjoy seeing the place our little family calls home.

(p.s. it's missing pictures of Bree's room and our room, but we aren't finished with those rooms yet. When they're done and adorable they'll be added haha.)

Bree's First Birthday

So much has happened for our family since this time last year. On September 24th of 2012, I was past my "due date" and we were awaiting Bree's arrival! Anxiously waiting every day for some sign of impending labor.

On October 1st, 2012, at 42 weeks exactly, I gave birth to our 9 pound 20 3/4 inch long daughter. I was in labor for 16 hours (pretty short for a first labor, I wonder how short my next births will be!) and gave birth in a labor pool. It was a hard, challenging, amazing experience.

My brother in law Adam gave us the name "Bree" and Justin and I compromised with a hyphenated middle name, Bree Elizabeth-Grace Falkenstein. The exalted one, born under God's promise, having His unmerited favor. What an awesome name meaning!

The night Bree was born.

She is so stunning, and continues to light up our life daily. Here are some of my favorite pictures of her through this past year...

The last two were taken this morning. She's so grown up in her big girl princess jammies!

This little girl has changing our lives so much, and definitely for the better. I cannot imagine life without her. I don't remember what life was like without her. She brings us so much joy and happiness it's crazy.

There are days that are long and hard, some that are short and sweet, and lots of tears and smiles in between. She has gone through long tiresome days with lots of people who want to hold her, overstimulation from holidays, a long roadtrip, moving to a new home, cold temperatures, hot temperatures, bedtimes when she wants to stay up with mommy and daddy and play, teething, really bad gas... and has been a trooper through all of it. I think she will be a very strong little girl. These things might seem minuscule or no big deal to us, but they can be very hard for a person who has no understanding of what's going on and can't communicate yet. She has done great!

Bree loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Tangled, Happy Baby Creamies, ripping up magazines, playing with her toy entertainment table, chewing and biting, going through all the groceries on our kitchen shelves, bouncing to music, watching people worship, mommy milk, and watching Mulan with Daddy. She also loves going on walks in our carrier and meeting new people!

Dear sweet little Bree, Mommy and Daddy love you so much. My heart swells with pride every time I look at you! I am so excited for this awesome life you are going to live, and all the great experiences you will have. You are such a sweet kind little thing, and I know that will carry on into your childhood and adulthood. God is doing (and will do) so much for you and for others through you. I can't wait to celebrate your birthday with you! It's hard to think about you advancing towards toddlerhood. My little baby. The itty bitty I grew for ten months, and gave birth to. We stayed up all night together on Christmas Eve and gave Daddy his present in the middle of the night and watched The Polar Express. I'm very excited for more holiday fun with you as you grow older.

The big first birthday party is this weekend, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed! That's what's going on in the life of this little family this week.

Grace.

I just read a pretty interesting article written by a pastor and his wish to offer love to the LGBT community when they so often receive judgement and hatred from Christians. I'm not here to write about that or my view on that, but a quote he used in his post that was eye opening.

"There is someone that I love even though I don't approve of what he does. There is someone I accept though some of his thoughts and actions revolt me. There is someone I forgive though he hurts the people I love the most. That person is...... me." - C.S. Lewis

Wow. Isn't that the truth. And isn't it the truth that if Jesus extends such grace towards us that He forgives every dastardly thing we may say or do, and loves us in such a way that we don't deserve... that we should love and forgive ourselves? That we should love who we are and not dwell on things we've done? And if we are able to forgive and love ourselves, should we not love others that way as well? To give them grace and forgiveness and love?

Easier said than done, many times yes. But I think that should be our goal. Which seems like it would be common sense, but for a lot of Christians I don't think they realize that. How many Christians have I seen (myself included sometimes) who have passed judgement on a person or situation without grace or forgiveness? We are called to follow Jesus and be like Him, but I think as a mass group we've really failed at that many times.

If I have learned anything in the past the three years of my life, it's not to make a judgement call on a person or situation based on someone else's view or opinion. I refuse to do that anymore. "Well  this person thisthisthis..." JUDGED. "Well this church thisthisthis..." JUDGED. "Well *celebrity of choice here* thisthisthis..." JUDGED. "Thisthisthis.... thatthatthat..." JUDGED.

I am so done with judging. I am overwhelmed by the stress it brings my life. I can no longer judge anyone on what someone else says about them, or because of what someone on the internet says about them. No more. I want to give second chances, and grace, and forgiveness. I want to be like Jesus. Should something arise that can't be moved past, or if Jesus speaks to me about something, I will listen. But I have seen enough hurt and loss lately that I can no longer judge by the world's standards.

Another thing I want to work on is forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for judgments I shouldn't have made, for hurtful things I may have done or said, for being human. I really hate being human sometimes. But, I am a human, and need to forgive myself when I act like one instead of Jesus.

I do want to be like Jesus though. I want people to look at me and think "I want what she has. I want that peace, that love, that confidence, that strength." I want to be so like Jesus that people want to know Him like I do. I don't want to seem arrogant, or know-it-all, or pushy. I want to be grace-filled, and Spirit-filled, and peaceful, and confident in my faith so when trials arise I stand strong in my Savior, unwavering, without fear or trepidation.

And I am working on it. Jesus made me a new person and works in me daily. But when I mess up, please have grace with me. I will give the same to you as well. <3

This.Day.Of.Mine.

Well, week really.

Alright, let's be honest. It's not been a pleasant month.

I'd have to say overall, we are blessed and happy. But those stupid life circumstances that just like to worm their way under your skin and try to ruin your day... grrrr.

I don't need to go into great deal, but over this past week Justin and I lost some people we'd considered very close friends, and it's been a painful process. Add to that arrogant people who like to shove their opinions down your throat, spiritual warfare, and teething, and nope... I can honestly say I've not been a happy camper lately.

I have been fighting it though. I have been listening to worship music and reading my Bible and getting totally encouraged and renewed by it. Then my flesh rears up and I have to stomp it back down, and that has happened back and forth... 

But today I gave up. I cried and whined and have been totally down and angry. Bree has been fussy and crabby and screaming and never wanting to be put down or take a nap, and I've been stressing about the house I've been neglecting to take care of my daughter. (A constant battle I think every mom struggles with, and a situation we all have to realize isn't a big deal. People will understand the house is imperfect. Or a freaking mess. And if they don't have the grace and empathy to, well they just don't seem thoughtful to me.)

Bree sat down mid scream and fell asleep. That is how grouchy she was from lack of rest.

I felt bad she fell asleep on the floor, but after three sessions of dozing and awaking upon entering her crib, hell would freeze over before I dare move her and risk the baby anger again.

I got to pee and have some chocolate milk before she woke up fifteen minutes later. It was something. But man was I a grouch after this day, poor Justin. Bree still isn't in bed, and it's almost midnight. I miss when she would go to sleep all night I got to have alone time with my husband, it's really affected us, especially since school has started back up for him. I am definitely ready for this season of sleep deprivation to be over again. Dear Jesus please! And for the craziness of family and friends to die down for a while. That would be so refreshing.

For tonight,
Alyssa

My New Blog!

I really have no idea who will read this, but hello if you are! This is my second blog. My first, The Crunchy Mama, has been mostly about parenting topics, and as I have a lot of readers I don't know, I decided to make a second blog for more private uses. Just about me, my family, and my thoughts about life!

Sooo... this is the intro to that. I don't really have much else to say, but feel free to check in time to time and see what I've got going on!