The Challenge

These pants you see here to left? Those are my pre-pregnancy pants.

8/10s.

I'm definitely not an 8/10 anymore.

I find the best way to challenge yourself is to make it publicly known what you're doing, otherwise, if you fail it's perfectly fine because no one knew about it anyway.

I've come to love my body, in all of its imperfection, so much more postpartum than I ever did before I was pregnant. As a teenager and young adult I thought I was so fat. I was so insecure. And I was so wrong! I wasn't a size 2, no, but I had a flat stomach, was somewhat toned, and while I wasn't skinny I was thin and curvy. I thought I was disgusting.

And then I look at myself now. Let's just throw this embarrassing fact out there, I'm a size 16 right now. I was an 18/20 two weeks after giving birth. I gained about 50 pounds during my pregnancy, and my already large hips got larger. (The hips just never went back haha.)

While I am quite larger than I was before my first pregnancy, I also love my body a lot more. I've come to see it for what it is. I grew a life. Does that resonate with you? It's pretty astounding to me.

I grew a life, a human being, inside of me. I grew this amazing, nine pound baby, for ten months. And then I birthed her. Out of my body. All on my own, without help! I'm a freaking rockstar. This body GREW A HUMAN. I also solely kept her alive for seven months with just my amazing breastmilk. I not only housed and grew a person, I kept them alive with my body afterwards.

These stretchmarks that are forever tattooed upon my stomach and hips, those lovely ripples in my previously flawless skin, are my reminder of how strong I am. How powerful I am.

And so I love myself. So much more than my insecure former teenaged self ever thought she would.

And in loving myself, I want to feel better about myself. I still struggle with insecurity sometimes. Other times I look at my lovely hefty self and smile. I am that ultra curvy, smiley, sarcastic mom you see in supporting roles in romantic comedies. I'm the best friend who cooks. And I love that about myself! My husband loves that about me!

However. I have decided I want to feel better about myself and my health. I am horribly out shape. I am no longer toned and my muscles are nonexistent. I have no energy! Not okay. Not okay because my baby is morphing into a toddler before my eyes and getting super active because of it. I need to keep up with her. I need to be able to lift her!

So this is my challenge. I already eat pretty well, and I'm not one to go on a diet to lose a few quick pounds just to gain it back when you resume your normal eating habits. I eat a lot of chicken and veggies, and I have the occasional Starbucks. I'm fine with that.

But for Christmas, I'm getting a gym membership. I used to love working out. I shed the pounds fast when I'm active, so that's what I aim to do! Regularly. Those jeans you saw above are my goal pants. I will fit into those pants! I am not putting a date on it, because I know I'll feel better just by doing cardio and toning muscles on those awesome machines I used to adore.

I tell you this because I want to be accountable. I'm done with being lazy. I am fine with being a 10. I am happily married to a man who adores my body no matter the size or shape I'm in. I don't need to be a 4, I don't need to attract anyone (face it, the usual force behind girls losing weight), I don't need to be a 2 to feel good about myself or to get people to like me, and honestly, my structure wouldn't look good as a 2 or 4. I haven't been a size six since I was 16! I am a mom, a wife, and I'm fine with getting back to a ten. I just can't be this out of shape exhausted person anymore. That's the driving force behind this challenge. Getting into my old jeans is just a bonus! So is not having to buy new jeans anymore haha.

So there you go. My challenge! It may take a while, I'm a busy person. But I'm okay. I am happy with the fact that I will get "me time" in a gym. Something I am just doing for myself.

(smile)

My Favorite Season!

It's winter!

Not really. It's still technically fall. But it feels like winter, we had our first snow two weeks ago! Ahh Ohio.

My fall, my beloved, eagerly awaited for fall, hasn't lasted long. It was barely here. It was so enjoyable while it was, and then we got the sudden cold snap. Two days ago we had one solid day where it was warm enough for me to open the windows (60 degrees). It was that crisp, breezy cool I love so much. And then the chill and rain appeared again.

Not that I don't love rain. I love rain. So so much! But the crisp cool kind. Not the kind that is so freezing cold it seeps into your bones and you never feel warm again. That is still nice rain, but nowhere near enjoyable you know. Especially considering now when it rains my knees and ankles start aching like and old woman who just got done working on the farm all day. What is this nonsense?!

So I'm just pretending it's winter already so I don't feel bad about the lack of appropriate fall weather.

I'm getting so pumped for the upcoming holiday season! I adore Halloween, of course, and Justin and I threw our first annual Halloween party last month. We went as a vampire and her slayer.

It was a blast! We went all out. And by all out I mean fifty dollars in pizza and fifty dollars in printer ink to print a Halloween bunting for our fireplaces and a freaking ton of "Halloween-y" and Harry Potter labels for bottles and decorations, and I even made a spooky map to some common Halloween places. Leading to our house, Castle Dracula of course haha. Justin bought a strobe light but we didn't end up using it, we just watch corny scary movies and The Walking Dead!

Now it is November. I am thrilled! It's the start of the best time of year. People are generally more happy and of good cheer, more thankful than grouchy, and I can listen to Christmas music. I so look forward to Thanksgiving!

I look forward to it so much.... that I couldn't help myself. I made a pre-Thanksgiving dinner with Justin this week.

It was really the most wonderful of days. I watched a Thanksgiving Hallmark Channel movie with Bree, did some laundry and cleaning, listened to rain and Christmas music on Pandora... and Justin came home from physical therapy with the groceries  requested. He even helped with dinner by peeling the potatoes for me, pouring me wine while I worked on stuffing veggies, toasted bread for me, and made the chicken all on his own.

After it was all done (a significant decrease in the usual Thanksgiving food cooking time, due to the fact we weren't roasting a turkey) we sat down together, my sweet husband, lovely baby and myself, and enjoyed a dinner we worked on together.

IT WAS SO WONDERFUL!

Now I'm working on my list for Christmas to do's. A fabulous book I need to buy for a tradition I want to start, entitled How Murray Saved Christmas, twinkle lights for our dining room and new tree, some ornaments, our own stockings (our only stockings adorn Nana and Poppa's house), and various family present ideas.

Tis the season! The best part of the year. I am so excited and aim to enjoy every moment. That's what's been going on in the life of this little family!

Quality Time

I miss my husband.

While Autumn is my favorite time of year and I never want it to end, I can't wait for December. Because that will mean Justin graduates from school and I'll actually get to spend time with him!

Right now he is working and going to school, both full time. He isn't home often, and when he is, our time is mostly spent with friends or family. Which I don't mind, I love seeing our friends and family! But I miss him sorely. Our alone time and family time with Bree has been really lacking.

When we were first married and kept having dates instead of just hanging out with friends, someone (single) asked me why alone time mattered so much, since we lived together and saw each other all the time. Until you're married/in a serious relationship, you just will never understand.

Do we sleep in the same bed? Yes. We wake up and see each other. But then it's a mad rush of showers, baby, and coffee and Justin is out the door. Sometimes he doesn't get to come home until almost ten. So yes, I see him when he comes home. I sometimes get to make dinner for us as a family. Then it's the process of putting Bree to bed. Or having people over or going to visit someone. Which we love, our friendships are important to us and need cultivating. But can you see where the alone time, talking and catching up with each other, romancing each other comes in? Kinda hard to squeeze in there.

I'm realizing we need a change of priorities. Work and school we are not able to work around right now, but we need better time management. Less TV time, more family time. Time with extended family and friends, but first and foremost with OUR family.

You get so busy with things and people that time flies by and you realized you haven't had an actual conversation one-on-one with the love of your life in far too long. My heart is pretty sore today. Some if you're reading this, married, dating, whatever... make time in your life for those who matter most. Even when it's hard. You can fit it in somewhere.

I miss Justin. Bree misses Justin. He was home for some of this morning (a Saturday) and Bree happily played around, content we both were near, but as soon as he started getting ready to leave she got fussy. When he left, she sat by the door and screamed for him. This season of life is okay, but not very fun. And when we don't see each other, get to cultivate our relationship, we're like two roommates. We get short with each other, impatient. It's a vicious cycle! Summer spoiled us.

So, that's what's going on with this little family this week. Boredom, loneliness, lack of time. Crying baby. I am so in love with my family, I'm not enjoying this very much.

Toodles.

I Found A Flea

I found a flea. On me. This morning.

WHAT?!

This is NOT okay. Especially considering that we do not have any pets. Our downstairs neighbors did. Illegally. For the entire summer. I'd be pretty pissed if this was because of that. But alas, there is more than likely no legitimate way to prove that.

I feel itchy.

I'm fairly certain I killed it. But then it disappeared and that makes me think... mmm.... maybe not.

As most people know, I'm a very "natural" minded person (you can read all about that HERE), so I'll be trying some alternative treatments before we go to chemicals. Not just because it's natural but frankly I don't want icky chemicals around my daughter.

And apparently they can't live long if there aren't animals to feed on. (But I'm not sure I believe that.)

I'm so skeptical! About many things. I don't think that's a bad thing, it's been the leading force behind all my research about everything I'm know and am passionate about. Skepticism can be healthy! It's okay to question things.

However. Because I am so skeptical and often seen as "against" things, there are some things I refuse to look into. I know enough about GMO food and chemicals and Big Pharma... honestly I am coming to understand the term "ignorance is bliss." Because it really is. However, I would rather know what I know to better help and protect my family. But once you know what you know, there is really no going back!

Having said all that, I still eat pot pies, drink Starbucks, and really enjoy fast food on occasion. Because, while I know what I know, I also know that God's got my back and some things I can enjoy. Now, if I knew suchandsuch caused cancer directly, I wouldn't willingly continue to put that in my body. But I know that Wendy's once in a while won't kill me.

Meanwhile.... the flea has not turned up. It has come to my attention that vacuuming and baking soda and the fact that we lack carpets and pets may  deter them. As soon as the baby is done napping, it's on!

It's Bree's Birthday!

Today is my little girl's very first birthday! Whoa! It's been a crazy busy year that has flown by way too fast. I may not be online very much today (only by the grace of a nap am I writing this now!) but I wrote a little bit in retrospect for the past year, which you can read here.

Have a lovely day, I am off to celebrate and play with my little girl :)

Our Comfy Little Home

As a teenager I never expected to have the life I do today. I never thought I'd be married to such an amazing man, or have such a lovely daughter. I'd always dreamed of having a cozy, warm, inviting home for my family and friends. And while we don't have a house of our own yet, God has really come through and realized many of my dreams, including a cozy place to call home.

I've been wanting to get up some sort of virtual "tour" for my friends and family who can't visit (yet) and here it is! Finally. Hope you enjoy seeing the place our little family calls home.

(p.s. it's missing pictures of Bree's room and our room, but we aren't finished with those rooms yet. When they're done and adorable they'll be added haha.)

Bree's First Birthday

So much has happened for our family since this time last year. On September 24th of 2012, I was past my "due date" and we were awaiting Bree's arrival! Anxiously waiting every day for some sign of impending labor.

On October 1st, 2012, at 42 weeks exactly, I gave birth to our 9 pound 20 3/4 inch long daughter. I was in labor for 16 hours (pretty short for a first labor, I wonder how short my next births will be!) and gave birth in a labor pool. It was a hard, challenging, amazing experience.

My brother in law Adam gave us the name "Bree" and Justin and I compromised with a hyphenated middle name, Bree Elizabeth-Grace Falkenstein. The exalted one, born under God's promise, having His unmerited favor. What an awesome name meaning!

The night Bree was born.

She is so stunning, and continues to light up our life daily. Here are some of my favorite pictures of her through this past year...

The last two were taken this morning. She's so grown up in her big girl princess jammies!

This little girl has changing our lives so much, and definitely for the better. I cannot imagine life without her. I don't remember what life was like without her. She brings us so much joy and happiness it's crazy.

There are days that are long and hard, some that are short and sweet, and lots of tears and smiles in between. She has gone through long tiresome days with lots of people who want to hold her, overstimulation from holidays, a long roadtrip, moving to a new home, cold temperatures, hot temperatures, bedtimes when she wants to stay up with mommy and daddy and play, teething, really bad gas... and has been a trooper through all of it. I think she will be a very strong little girl. These things might seem minuscule or no big deal to us, but they can be very hard for a person who has no understanding of what's going on and can't communicate yet. She has done great!

Bree loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Tangled, Happy Baby Creamies, ripping up magazines, playing with her toy entertainment table, chewing and biting, going through all the groceries on our kitchen shelves, bouncing to music, watching people worship, mommy milk, and watching Mulan with Daddy. She also loves going on walks in our carrier and meeting new people!

Dear sweet little Bree, Mommy and Daddy love you so much. My heart swells with pride every time I look at you! I am so excited for this awesome life you are going to live, and all the great experiences you will have. You are such a sweet kind little thing, and I know that will carry on into your childhood and adulthood. God is doing (and will do) so much for you and for others through you. I can't wait to celebrate your birthday with you! It's hard to think about you advancing towards toddlerhood. My little baby. The itty bitty I grew for ten months, and gave birth to. We stayed up all night together on Christmas Eve and gave Daddy his present in the middle of the night and watched The Polar Express. I'm very excited for more holiday fun with you as you grow older.

The big first birthday party is this weekend, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed! That's what's going on in the life of this little family this week.